Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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