tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize