i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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