Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Buhtt sex?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
