I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
