Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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