dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
high people should be assigned attendants
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
