i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
