After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
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And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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