ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
