We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
