tell your sister to shave her snatch
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
