someone threw a dead crab at me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
