I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
