TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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