Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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