Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
