In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
