i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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