So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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