dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
