Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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