Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize