He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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