I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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