I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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