Will you blow on my dice?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
