At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
