Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
