He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
