I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
