good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
