Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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