He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
