idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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