i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
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Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
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I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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