how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
