So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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