I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
