I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
