so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
