Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
