My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
