Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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