Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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