tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize