they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize