are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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