It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
