I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
