after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
