i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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