I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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