How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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