are you still at the devil's house?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
