If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
