Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
