I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
