meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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