I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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