Just fell off a train. Bad.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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