I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
