And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
