So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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