I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
