I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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