dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
