I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
